Grieving for the young!

my big brother

My big brother aged 17

So this week I’ve had a few shocks in my life. A couple of people I know but not friends of mine have passed away. They were in there early 40’s, they had lives they were living and people that need them here. Sadly though, their time on this earth is now no more. When I first heard of these deaths it left me walking round on Monday feeling in a daze. When I told a friend she asked me, “did it bring back memories of your brother’s death”. My immediate answer, “yes”.

My Dad passed away four months ago and yes it was shocking. However, I feel I have coped better with this than my brother’s death. I remember that I was only 13 years old when my brother died and it was very sudden. My dad was 79 and life in the last ten years was hard for him. To me, he wasn’t the same man I once knew and loved. I felt like it was his time to go. I will miss him but I feel it was for the best.

Dad 20

A cartoon my Dad drew of our family

My brother, on the other hand, I felt hadn’t been given a life at all. He was 18 when he passed away and he didn’t really get any time on the planet. I think that’s what I find hard is when a young person dies. The two people I knew who died last week were not old. They had done a lot to help humanity but they were given no more time.

When my brother died, I found it really hard to come to terms with for a long time. At the time I felt numb and I could not comprehend what had just happened. I believe in a power greater than myself to help me as a guide in my life but when these beautiful people are taken from us it makes me question that belief. It makes me wonder what their purpose was here and why they had to go to soon.

For me it’s when He/She decides to take the young it’s incredibly cruel. Grief and the act of grieving for me is an uncomfortable feeling. From my experience, one minute I was OK and the next I’d be on the floor crying like a baby. I knew when my brother and dad passed over that was it. I would no longer be able to talk, laugh or simply sit with them anymore in this life.

Although, I do believe that we are spirits and that we will see each other again one day. This helps lessen the pain of my grief. I’m no expert on how to grieve but all I know is that whatever helps a person to get through the dark days without their loved one is OK with me. I have learnt to accept the situation, I don’t like that my brother has died so young and I still don’t really understand why. But I now realise it’s OK to feel confused and that everything is going to be alright. Plus, I now cherish the moments he was here on earth. He did what he needed to do and then he left.

Dad 34

My brother and I as children

The experience has helped me to grow as a person and I now can sympathise so deeply when another human loses a person they love. So yes, although these two people passing reminded me of my brothers death, it also reminded me that I have come to accept that it has happened and it has helped me to remember the good times. When I remember the moments my family and I have shared together it makes me smile. It helps me to carry on. So maybe that’s why they were in my life.